pink nostalgia

captured

I bought this sheet of paper...

... without a clue what I would use it for but knowing I would see something soon that I loved.  This was it.  I lifted this page from Ashley Horton.  The hearts with lots of white space is on my short list right now.

The scene from the photos is Alex's 9th birthday dinner + cake at our house with family.  Ethen was singing Happy Birthday and being very goofy towards Alex, and Alex was just giggling.  Giggling!  Ughh, I love it.

A big part of why I love to scrapbook is that while I'm reliving the memories from the photos, I'm creating memories from crafting and sharing.  The scene from the page is showing it to the boys.  I called the two youngest Wells boys into the pink room, and Jason followed.

I held the page behind my back and excitedly told them I had a scrap page to show them.  I got blank stares!  Out of three boys!  I know!

So I hopped from foot to foot as I do and said, "Are y'all excited??  I'm SO excited about this page!!"

So J replies, "Yeah!  We're excited!"  And all three of them did jazz hands and hopped from foot to foot.  Except since Alex was sitting in my desk chair, he swiveled.  Ughh, I love it.

behind the photo: the ottoman

Here are the first five things that come to mind as I see this photo from this week.*

1. This scene is an iteration of a scene that happens a lot, and it warms my heart every time.  I love watching Jason read with Alex.

2. Here's the setup - the four of us were in the kitchen mapping out the night ("What are you fixing to do?"  "E needs to shower, Al needs to read...").  Then Alex came up with the game plan: "Angela cooks dinner, Ethen showers, and I read with Dad!  Then after dinner, we'll all watch Friday Night Lights!"  There are two things I love about his solution: 1. J encourages the boys to fix problems.  Fix problems is a motto at our house.  So for one of the boys to come up with the solution is cool.  It's working.  2. Alex used to put off reading as much as possible.  So for him to voluntarily put it in his plan as a top priority is pretty amazing.  It's working.

3. Alex is standing on a square ottoman with wooden legs.  It didn't even cross my mind that he must be standing on something (because he's not 5' 6" tall) until much later.

4. I made tangy chicken for dinner.  (As Kathleen would say, I could eat my way out of a bathtub of that sauce.)  The first time I made it for the boys, E said that he didn't really like the sauce.  So this time, I left the chicken out of the sauce for E's portion.  During the meal, I nodded to Ethen and pointed towards his chicken, which naturally meant, "How do you like the chicken without the sauce?  Is it alright?"  He nodded back to me, which naturally meant, "Good."  Fix problems.

5. Right before we sat down to dinner, I moved my favorite mason jar of flowers off of the table and onto the bar.  And that's when I discovered the ottoman under the bar.  Fortunately, it was more of a kick than a trip, and more fortunately, I did not drop the jar or smash it into the granite.  I hobbled back to the table and said, "I think I broke my piggy toe!  Somebody bless it!"  So Alex prayed, "Dear Lord, thank you for this great day.  Watch out for Angela's piggy toe, that it doesn't hurt anymore.  Uhh...Amen." 

*Author's note: I wrote this post last month.  : /

how to: sonic mojito

medium mint limeade/extra mint/easy ice/squeeze the lime/two shots white rum/stir/chips/salsa/back porch with someone who let's you laugh

the pancake breakfast revisited

The first time I tried to recreate my mom's pancake breakfast for the Wells boys was kind of a flop. 

We tried it again on Memorial Day.

Here's the end of the story first: it rocked.  Rocked.

Here's the beginning and middle of the story:

The first hurdle was the calendar.  There was a chance that the boys wouldn't be at our house for breakfast that holiday Monday and that this breakfast plan would have been postponed through another baseball season, but we arranged to pick up the boys on Sunday. 

The second hurdle is the timing.  We all agreed on 10:00ish so J and I could work out before breakfast and so Ethen could sleep in.  Alex always gets up early, so we gave him a snack and the promise of his favorite sausage.

The third hurdle was the food!  My mom serves up everything as it's hot off the irons, but that didn't work for us last time.  This time, I baked the bacon in the oven, sizzled the sausage on the griddle, and waffled between two waffle irons.  When a batch of waffles were done, they went on a cookie sheet in the warm oven.

We put all the food on the table, prayed, and passed plates.  We chatted, passed more plates, and cleaned the kitchen together.

Halfway through eating, I was smiling to myself.  J caught my eye, and gave me the I-know-you're-emotional-right-now-because-you're-so-proud smile.  I gave him the do-not-give-me-that-smile-right-now-so-you-can-push-my-tears-over-the-edge "Stop."  Then:

E: What's he doing?

me: He's smiling because he knows how much I'm enjoying this.

E: Yeah, this is really good.

me: Well, thank you, this IS good, but we weren't smiling about the food.  We're smiling because I've been wanting to do this for a while, have a big breakfast with us all at the table, where we're all smiling and laughing and telling stories without me running back and forth from the kitchen like last time.

E:  Oh.  [smiles]  Yeah, this is nice.

As Ethen was clearing his plate, a friend called him asking to hang out.  E replied, "Well, I can't go right this minute - my dad is still enjoying his breakfast."  : )

So that's how Wells do Pancake Breakfasts.  : )

the cargo mat conversation

Alex: Uhh, why did you just take a picture of that?

me: Well...it's kind of a "mom" thing.  [I pause, expecting him to lose interest and climb in the car.  But he's still looking at me, so I'll keep going...]  You know I bought this cargo mat [pointing] specifically for y'alls' sports stuff - for soccer balls and baseball bags and chairs...  [He's nodding and still looking at me intently.]  This is the first time we've used it.  It makes me happy.

Alex: Oh.  [half smile]  Okay.

one nonillion

A one with thirty zeros is one nonillion.  I Googled it.

So, Mother's Day this year marked about a year and a half that the Wells boys and I have lived together.

I went to church by myself, which is always an emotional rollercoaster for me.  So that's the baseline.  An emotional rollercoaster is where we're starting.  Then the pastor starts his welcome with this: "We want to acknowledge that while Mother's Day is a celebration for many, it's very difficult for some.  Some of you who desire to be a mother haven't been able to, be it through suffering miscarriages, infertility, or just life circumstances.  We want to acknowledge your grief and let you know that we love you, and we're here for you."

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

This was as I was looking through the church bulletin on summer camps for the boys, so...impeccable timing.

Of course there wouldn't be breakfast in bed or snuggles or a dedicated school function.  I mean, the boys weren't even at our house for Mother's Day.  But eternally hopeful...

It would be so amazing if I got a text, if I got a photo, if I got a card, if, if, if...

Alas, none of that happened.

So I had some tough love with myself - Angela, you're not a mother.  [Gulp.  Let's try a spoonful of sugar with that.]

You know the boys love you.  They're 13 and 9.  They're children.  And they're boys.  You can't expect them to reach out to you on their own.  None of the Wells boys are big on grand celebrations and fusses.  They're not trying to hurt your feelings.  The silence doesn't mean that they don't regard you.  They've just not been taught to be outgoing in that way.   

Then I kind of pushed it into a corner.

That night, my re-found friend Rita texted me, "Happy Mother's Day, Angela!  I hope you were celebrated!" and I got a touch emotional again.

New day.  Maybe next year will be a little better.

The next day, J picked up the boys to stay with us for the week.  The four of us hung out in the kitchen just visiting, everyone sitting on a different counter.  Alex hops down and runs to his room saying he has a surprise for me.

A handmade Mother's Day card.  For me.  And the hugest hug where I almost squeezed the life out of him.

So...best Mother's Day ever.