This is one of those things that you don't really realize until you say it out loud, and then you're like, "Oh. That's how I feel."
I feel drained. The blog drains me.
I put so much heart into it and don't get anything out. I used to have a husband who would laugh at my blog jokes. We would reference it in daily conversations. Y and I used to eat lunch together every day, and running out of things to talk about, we talked about the blog. We disected it; we brainstormed. I used to bounce ideas off of Jessie. She would approve the really personal posts. My mom used to send comments or texts about each post. Then we'd talk about it again in person. She would proofread for me.
[used to...used to...used to...]
I just don't get that anymore.
I don't have anyone to talk about the blog with. No one is saying, "Hey, I really wanted to see a post about blah, when will you write it?" It's like getting stood up. By your boyfriend.
So much of my life in the last several years (uh oh, this is where it turns serious) feels like giving, giving, giving. And not the good kind where you see the orphans' smiling faces, but where first it's a pinky, then it's a thumb, then it's your whole arm and it's kind of like...how much more can I put out there without getting it back? How much will you take before you give me something, too?
(Perfect. Now I'm crying.)
So maybe I need to use the blog for another purpose. It's never been to get comments, likes, etc., but it's also never been to get nothing. Actually, at first it was an attempt to break into the scrapbooking world. That dream is dead; no harm, no foul. Then it was this thing that everyone huddled around to talk about, i.e. Twilight or the new hush-hush office romance. Then it was keeping people updated with my huge life changes - divorce, apartment, hot complicated boyfriend, two part-time-pseudo-step-kids.
But now it feels like nothing.
So...why am I doing it?
Well, it IS good for recipe archives and how to shorten a necklace.
Maybe just getting the pity party out of the way will do the trick.
