This one is much more personal, so I'm going to pretend that I'm emailing my best friend instead of blogging. And I may just delete the whole thing.
Waddup, girrrrrrl?
Okay.
A few weeks ago, I wanted to bring up a topic with J. But I was nervous! So I gulped, and I texted him. While we were at work. Okay, I know text isn't ideal for big or nerve-racking conversations, but that was the whole reason I had to text him! So he couldn't see my face turn red or hear my voice squeak!
So I asked him my question.
And he teased me.
Which I read as rude since I couldn't see his face or hear his voice.
And I got my feelings hurt.
Well, actually, I was embarrassed. I was so embarrassed! Which I knew would happen which is why I had to muster up courage to begin with! I had my guard up when I started.
So we get home, and I'm kind of quiet. He asks me what's wrong, and I said it was his texts. And I explain that I was trying to open up and felt judged, and he explains that he's never here to hurt my feelings, which is how I know that he was kidding. And the whole time, I was sitting on the kitchen counter, and we were talking in hushed tones and whispering because Alex was in and out of the room. And J stood in front of me with his hands on my knees and wiped away my few tears.
At this point, I was pretty much good. We talked about it, everyone's clear, resolved.
And then, he gave me a dozen little light kisses on my forehead and cheeks as he sweetly whispered, "Lighten uuuup...lighten uuuup..."
It was so...comforting. I'm not used to being comforted like that, which is why I would normally settle in with some Wing Stop.
I don't need to have my guard up or be self-conscious. He's not going to judge me or compare me or shut down or think I'm ridiculous.
And I was a little surprised that it worked. But my tears dried up, I smiled, and this great calm came over me.
I mean, it's kind of amazing the healing that comes with a little attention and a few soft kisses, right?
How was your weekend?
Laters,
angela
