Yay! It's time for Blog Your Heart! Here are the rules in Stephanie's words, and please feel free to join in:
"Blog whatever is authentic. Whatever is truly on your mind and in your heart. No judging allowed, no snarky comments, no making fun, no passive aggressive digs. If you are going to read the blogs linked below, don't be mean. Nothing here is whining, though I can't help it if you perceive it that way. It's me honestly sharing my feelings. If you feel that it's whining, then you don't have to read. :)"
Here we go.
I would LOVE to take a week off of work to scrapbook. I have so many pages and mini albums floating around in my head! But truth be told, I'd probably waste most of that time watching Prison Break and Sister Wives. In any case, it feels good to be back in scrapbooking mode.
Last week, I was feeling really homesick for my family and friends. I didn't realize it until I started talking to J about my mom, and then it all just came pouring out. So I had dinner with Mom last week (at J's insistence - "I'm going to email her and tell her you're coming!"), and I'm seeing my bestie on Friday. : )
Sometimes I get sad wishing I knew the boys (Ethen and Alex) when they were younger. I feel like I missed out on so much. Toddling and t-ball and that adorable newborn stage when you just want to stare at the beautiful baby. And I don't feel like I've earned much yet. I shouldn't be proud of who they are now when I didn't help raise them. I can't love on them like J does or take thousands of pictures or discipline them quite as sternly as I'd like. I want to. I just don't feel like it's my place. Yet.
I was never sure if I wanted kids. And with J's kids, it's just so natural. Even the difficulties are good...like...well, I was going to say like when you're at the end of a really hard workout and you're so proud of yourself for making it through, but sometimes I quit in the middle...okay, it's like the day after a hard workout where your muscles are sore enough that you know you really accomplished something but not so sore that you want to collapse on the couch and eat Jack in the Box.
Okay, so I just said there are difficulties - I mean, of course there are. Even so, it's surprisingly easy, becoming a family and shimmying into a mother-type roll. Take meals, for instance. We all come up with the menus together, but then I find recipes, make the grocery list, add vegetables, buy groceries, start cooking on time so we can eat on time (adjusting for the baked beans that take 2 hours), prepare all the food, and set the table. And they all take it for granted as if it all happened by magic. But that's the beauty of it. It doesn't worry them because that's how they see me, in that role. They trust me to do it, and I do it. As a result, they don't know what all it entails. And I really like having that responsibility and their confidence.
I think I could talk about the boys well into next week, so that's probably good for now. Thanks for reading. What's on your heart?
You can read my past hearts here.
