pink nostalgia

my favorite part of Christmas Day

Jason gave me Home Alone for Christmas.

Hold on, it gets better.  : ) 

J and I started the movie after a late dinner.  The boys willingly joined us.  I mean, family time compared to video games?  That's pretty good.

We laughed and ate our stocking candy which had inexplicably survived until now.  J ate his Christmas cheesecake.  : )

Right around the time that Marv hits Harry square in the chest with a crowbar (because Harry has a tarantula crawling on him), I took a beat to look around.

Jason was laughing.  Really laughing, which is my favorite face of his.

Alex was alternating throwing his head back laughing and looking back at J and I to make sure we were seeing what was so funny.

Ethen clutched his stomach and said, "It hurts ME to watch him get hit like that!"  I've never seen him laugh so hard.

I soooo badly wanted a picture of their faces, but I knew it would ruin the moment.  Best to just soak it in.

And that was my favorite part of Christmas Day.

so this is christmas...

This year, I am determined to start traditions and make it count.  Not because there are kids in the family, but because that's the way it should be. 

It should be a contagious season. 

You should decorate as a family.

You should have presents under a tree.

You should make small sacrifices to encourage joy.

Christmas is like Disneyworld.  You get a FastPass to childhood excitement, wonder, and magic.

Every time I walk through the living room, I get that one song lyric in my head.

So this is what a proper Christmas is...the smell of a real tree , stockings hung on the mantle, memories of the four of us decorating while Christmas songs played and a mint chocolate candle burned.

I cried when we brought our fresh tree home.

So this is Christmas...it's gonna be gooooood.

Song: Happy Christmas (War is Over) by John Lennon.

sigh...ISILWY

Ha, remember when I used to scrapbook?  Alex told me that he doesn't think I'm a real scrapbooker because if I was, I would have scrap pages all over the pink walls.  I told him that most of my pages are in boxes and albums, that I only put my favorite pages on the walls.  But he wasn't buying it.

This is Jason's favorite page.  And yes, it hangs on my wall.

I made this page in about one night after I waited for weeks for the ombre paper.  The text is an email from J, unedited, although I did blur one line for the blog.  : )  It was a numbered list that was also a love letter, so...double swoon.  : )

Happy Monday!

toffee + sleepless

Here's how it all turned out.  : )

Harses, harses, harses, harses!

Just kidding.

 (Yes, I dropped my brand new candy thermometer into the 300 degree toffee.  At least I had the good sense to fish it out with a spoon instead of with my fingers.)

Sam: And it was...magic.
Annie (simultaneously): Magic.

Sam: What did you just hear me say?
Jonah: "Six, maybe seven."
Sam: Seven.  EIGHT!  Mary Kelly!

Annie: You'll recognize her by the disappointed look on her face.

Sam: Do you know where Oklahoma is?
Jonah: Somewhere in the middle?
Sam: Somewhere in the middle, yeah.  Somewhere in the middle.  I'm not even going to think about what they're not teaching you in school.

Annie: I'm having all of these fantasies about some man whom I've never even met! 

Sam: She could peel an applie in one long curvy strand.  The whole apple.

Merry Christmas indeed!

harses, harses, harses, harses

Merry Christmas,

I'm in full Christmas mode.  I'm listening to Christmas music as I cook and as I get ready for work (those two things don't happen at the same time).  And tonight, I'll be watching Sleepless in Seattle as I attempt to make toffee.

Remember the scene where Meg Ryan/Annie is driving from her family's house, and she's flipping through the radio, and right before she stumbles upon Jonah calling into the talk show, she hears "Sleigh Ride" and sings along for a second?

Harses, harses, harses, harses!

I've been singing that one line in my head all week.  

But just that one line.

As I was rummaging through my DVDs for Sleepless, I found a few more movies that I love to watch around Christmas.  And then I thought - list! 

So here are my top five movies to rewatch around Chrismas!

1. Sleepless in Seattle

Harses, harses, harses, harses!

2. Home Alone

Kevin: I made my family disappear...I made my family disappear.

Aunt Leslie: Fuller!  Go easy on the Pepsi!!

Kevin: Oh wait!  I have a coupon for that!

Kevin: This is it!  Don't get scared now.

Uncle Frank: Look whatcha did, you little jerk!

Kevin: Buzz, your grilfriend!  Woof!

3. The Holiday

Amanda: "I'm Amanda."  Loner, loser, complicated wreck! 

Graham: Amandawoods.  Is that all one word?

Sophie to Amanda: You can stay the night if you want.  We can push our beds togethah.

Miles: So I got us some frozen coffee but I didn't know if you'd like a big dollop of whipped cream or a little dollop...well, hellllllooooo big dollop!

Miles: Okay, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to kiss you twice and then linger a really long time on the second kiss...

Amanda: ...but you DID say you love me, so...I'm thinking I have a date for New Year's.

Miles: I used only the good notes.

Harses, harses, harses, harses!

4. Serendipity

Jonathan: Let's go do something.
Sara: Alright.  What do you want to do?
Jonathan: I don't care.
Sara: Alright.

Mignon: It was right next to that tiny little coffee shop...what's the name...Serendipity.

Eve: You know who plays golf?  Guys who are too fat to play tennis, that's who.

Sara: Favorite New York moment?
Jonathan: This one is climbing the charts.

5. The Burglar

One of these things is not like the others...

Right.  Not Christmas-y, but I have great memories of watching it over and over.  I think it was free babysitting for my step-mom.  "Here, watch this R-rated movie again!"

Bernie: Ohhhhh nooooooo!  I do NOT wanna mess with you!!!!!

Carl: Can't you just go on like, the $25,000 Pyramid or something?

Bernie: Carl!!  Hit him with the trash can only if he moves!
Carl: Well, I thought I saw him move, like, just a little bit!

(If I had $1 for every time my step-brother said that last line...)

Okay!  I'm off to finish my toffee!

Harses, harses, harses, harses!

first time's a charm

So yesterday morning, J tells me that there's a band playing tonight that he might go see, that they start at 5:00, so IF he goes, we'll have an early dinner as a family before he leaves.  If he even goes.  Sounds good to me, as long as he's here to help with dinner.

Then around 5:30, out of nowhere, "Alright, I'm gonna go see this band."

Y'all.  J lives on the edge.  He doesn't make plans.

Which I'm surprisingly accustomed to and flexible about.  I'm being serious.  I'm very roll-with-the-punches-at-a-moment's-notice-ness these days.

But this involved beef.

Because you see, at that very moment, we had 1" thick sirloins marinating in my favorite California marinade (for 24 hours, yo!), all ready for a hot grill and my eager tummy.  And this was going to be our early dinner that he was going to grill.

As he left, he asked, "Can you handle getting the boys fed?"  My voice said, "Of course," but my heart was screaming, "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STEAKS????" 

He kissed me and left.

After about an hour, I asked Ethen for his input.  "Here's my dilemma.  Dad's gone.  We have awesome steaks in the fridge, but I've never worked the grill by myself.  But I can TRY to cook them...or we can go grab something."

He replied simply, "I mean...how hard can it be? Just turn the grill on, then flip them, then take them off?"

Ahhhh, if only.

But it was all the pep talk I needed.

First I Googled "how to grill a steak on a gas grill."  Then I called George.  : )

Okay, all set.  Grill on, cleaned, throw the steaks on, shut the lid, set the timer.  Done.

Then the fire started to flare up.

And then I started to panic.

I had three main concerns:

1. Don't burn down the house.
2. Don't burn myself.
3. Don't burn the steaks.

As I stood outside waiting for the closed lid to explode staring at the closed lid, I came up with my exit strategy for the above three scenarios.  After five minutes, I flipped the steaks.  After four more minutes, I took the steaks off.  And I checked three times that I turned the burners and gas off.

And they were perrrrrrrrrfect.

I danced in my chair.

Ethen stuffed himself saying, "I can't eat one more bite."

Alex said they were "alright" with a devilish grin and then scarfed his whole portion.

When J got home (and it's important to note that each of his questions was asked with a progressive level of perplexion (perplexedness?)), we had this conversation:

J: What did y'all have for dinner?
me: Steaks and cowboy beans.
J: Really?
me: Yes.
J: Did Ethen cook the steaks?
me: No.
J: Who cooked the steaks?
me: I did.
J: Did you cook them in the oven?
me (shocked at the sacrilege): No!
J: How did you cook them?
me (with a secret smile): I grilled them.
J: Really?
me: Yes.
J: How were they?
me (with a huge sly grin): ...Delicious.

weekend snapshots

It was a very delicious weekend.

And by the way, IIIIIII grilled those steaks!

 

more about alex

 

He's in second grade.

He sometimes reminds me of Calvin from the Calvin & Hobbs comic strip.

He's very animated.  Hardly a dinner goes by that he doesn't jump out of his seat to mime climbing or jumping jacks or basketball or anything really.

He loves to hang out with people.  If you're available, he wants to know what you're doing, can he be in there with you, can he help (rather: "Here, I will help!").

He always has his dad's back.  He would follow J to the ends of the earth.

He looks to his big brother for confirmation every time he answers a question and usually says, "Right, Ethen?" 

He likes hanging out in the pink room.  He walks right in like he owns the place, which I love.  He asks if he can color then goes to get my Sharpies.  He brings his Hot Wheels in there and rolls them around my desk.

He's still young enough to be affectionate.  He gives his aunt and grandma big hugs.  He curls up next to Jason on the couch.  And his face lights up when Jason hugs him and rubs his back.

He likes to make us laugh.  Sometimes he makes up knock-knock jokes that don't make any sense, and when that doesn't work, he does a fake laugh that is admittedly infectious.

Sometimes I accidentally call him "babe."  I think it's because Jason calls him that.

more about ethen

He's in 7th grade.

He's smart. Top 5% of his class. And he's easy to teach. I just tell him once, and he's got it.

And when I talk to him, he looks at me like he's really listening.  He turns off the TV/pauses his video game/turns around and gives me his attention.

He's very athletic.  He plays baseball (pitcher, catcher, then anywhere else), basketball (forward), and football (QB).  He wears his football helmet around the house, and he does foot drills around the kitchen.

He's very fun to tease.  He tries not to crack a smile by shaking his head and looking down, but he rarely succeeds.

He soaks up everything.  You can see his gears turning, but he rarely comments unpromted.  He notices how J and I talk to each other and treat each other.  He picks up on our moods and his mood reflects that.

He's full of ideas.  Ways to make money, what to eat for dinner, how to make things better.

He's too cool to be seen hanging out with his dad most of the time, but he looks to J for acknowledgement when he does something great (like hits a home run).

He sometimes calls me Aleegirl, and it makes me really happy when he does.

He has such bright eyes when he smiles.

more about jason

My favorite all-time photo of him.

I've talked about my boyfriend Jason a little on the blog, but I want to gush for a minute.  : )

He's really quick-witted and sharp, but he'll tell random store clerks that he's with me because I make him look smart. 

He loves music.  I think it's intertwined with his soul.  He's a legit drummer as in: he was the drummer for a band for 13 years.  He plays guitar very gently, no matter what he's playing.

He doesn't laugh often.  He thinks things are funny, but big laughs are few and far between.  But he is absolutely the most handsome when he laughs.  He gets embarrassed when I tell him that.

This was supposed to be his tough face.

He's very athletic. He's great to work out with because he's serious but not uptight. He says, "Do your best and forget the rest!" And then he tells me I'm beautiful as my face is beet red and dripping with sweat.

He's goofy, but he doesn't show it to everyone. As we were getting to know each other, I thought he was such a "cool guy"...never one who would ever wear a Burger King crown on his birthday...

He writes me love letters, love emails, love texts, love poems.  Ha, I Googled the first love poem he sent me because it was so good that I was sure he copied it!

He's very affectionate with me, isn't afraid to kiss me, and he lets me hug him for as long as I need.  He doesn't push me away or make a joke out of it.

 

He can tell the instant something bothers me.  He can see it on my face.  "I'm fine" won't fly with him.  The first time I did that, he said, "I can tell your mind is sprinting.  Take 15 minutes to collect your thoughts, and then we'll talk about it."  And we did, and it worked.

We talk through everything.  I say, "It bothered me when you did THIS because BLAH."  And he says, "Okay, I didn't think about it like that," or "You're right.  I'm sorry."  And then he doesn't do that one thing anymore.  He doesn't just SAY he'll do something/change something, he actually does do it.

He's an amazing father, calm and assertive.   He has two boys, Ethen (12) and Alex (7).   His heart bleeds for them.  The boys really respond positively to him.   It's so so cool to see him in a serious talk with them.   I watch them - their eyes are fixed on him, intently listening with the occasional "Yes, sir."

 

He lets me have my moments.  He beams as I jig in the kitchen because I'm so proud of my turkey.  He soaks it in when my mom and I are bantering and later tells me it's so cool to watch us interact.  He compliments me when I try to look nice.  He smiles when I talk/yell/gasp at the TV.  He gives me his full attention as I struggle to put my gratefulness into words.

He calls me babe, babes, baby, babylove, Wells, trouble, Aleegirl, Aleebird, Aleebirdgirl, "my angel" and just yesterday came up with Angelove.

He gives me courage.

He makes me calm.

He says that I'm perfect for him.

He's perfect for me.

i'd go anywhere with you

I had a really cool "Aha!" moment a few months ago.  I was listening to this country song and thinking about Jason and thinking about Jason and listening to this country song, and then... Aha!  I really WOULD go anywhere you!  

So I dropped everything and scrapped the moment.  I lifted this page.

But fortunately, I didn't have to go very far.  ; )

Song: "Anywhere with You" by Jake Owen.

the 31 list: #28 & 29

I had a lot of down time (read: scrapbooking time!) after Thanksgiving.  I had so much fun (in a reflecting-on-my-soul-kinda-way) making a simple mini album/journal for these two goals that for me are inextricably linked.

#28 Be grateful.

I spent about 4 hours by myself last weekend, curled up on the couch, ruminating on the weight, the magnitude of my gratefulness.

My life has changed dramatically in the past year.  In fact, it's been right at a year when I set the divorce in motion.  And I'm incredibly grateful for where I am now.  I'm grateful for how I feel and how my spirit has changed.

Years ago, I caught part of an episode of Oprah where she talked about journaling and being grateful.  She said to always start with "your breath," the ability to be alive, the fact that you're still on this earth with the ability to create your future.  For some reason, that stuck with me, and whever I think that I don't have anything to be thankful for, I start with my breath.

If that doesn't get me very far, then I look around at what I take for granted.  A couch to sit on.  Electricity.  A great set of pots and pans.

Then I notice things I have that make me happy.  Gray walls.  These dishes from Target.  Netflix.

And then big things that are hard to put into words.  Parents who can't stand to NOT help and are ready to throw punches for me.  Family who allows me to make my own decisions and loves me unconditionally.  This new family that I fit with seamlessly.  Being noticed.  Being cherished.  Being calm.

#29 Look up.

Jason coaches his son's little league baseball team.  Ethen was pitching poorly, and Jason called a time-out.  Ethen, knowing he wasn't doing well, had his head down as Jason walked to the mound to talk to him.  Jason said, "Why are you looking at the ground right now?  Your Savior's not down there."

That's what "look up" means to me.

Seek God.  Pray.  Notice the gifts He gives us.  Keep your chin up.

I think of this most when I literally look up at the sky, particularly when the sun is near the horizon.  God makes some gorgeous skies.

Right??

What are you grateful for?

roast turkey artichoke panini

Ohhhhh, I had big plans for my amazing turkey leftovers.  You remember.

: )

I copied Panera's roast turkey artichoke panini.  Let me back up.

I LOVE this panini.  LOVE.  I ate it probably every other week the whole time I was in the apartment.  And now I'm going to justify that by telling you that there was a Panera right next door to me.

That, plus, I love this panini.

(Incidentally, my mouth is watering as I type this.)

Okay, now I don't live in Waco anymore.  And there's not a Panera in Temple.  Sad, pout, boo hoo.

BUT, I was in Waco a few weeks ago to visit my best friend, so perfect!  I'll stop and get a panini!  And maybe three or six to take home with me!

I go through the drive-thru, pull up to the speaker, place my order:

"Hi, can I please have the pick two with a roast turkey artichoke panini, no roasted peppers, and creamy tomato soup?"

"That sandwich has been discontinued."

WHAT?!?!?!!?!?

SAD!  POUT!  BOO HOO!!

(I got a chicken Caesar sandwich.  It was good but not as good...and probably ruined by my tears.)

Then when I found the recipe for my roast turkey, I immediately knew that I needed to hoard some leftovers to mimic this panini.

Okay, now you're caught  up.

I copied Panera's roast turkey artichoke panini.

Next time: skip the sliced mozzarella, add grated parm to the artichoke spread, and experiment with mayo or cream cheese in the artichoke spread.  And try French bread instead of ciabatta.

This time: good enough to eat.