I've been saving little snippets from around my accounting firm for years. Here are my favorites from friends and coworkers, best, of course, when taken out of context. ; ) Enjoy.
- This ice is so...frozen.
- It's only 9 a.m. and I have already dozed off several times.
Me: Is that your hand sanitizer?? It's strong.
David: That's ridiculous. You know my hands aren't sanitized.
Me: It totally sucks to be me!
Y: Yeah, but listen to how great it is to be me!
- Do you hear my stomach growling?
- That was your stomach? I thought it was the printer.
- You are SO making fun of me.
- These shareholders - they think they own the place or something!
Angie: I took Robutussin, Nyquil, and Tylenol PM last night. At the same time.
Me: Why didn't you just get Olivia [her 4 year old daughter] to hit you over the head with a frying pan?
Angie: She was already in bed.
- I don't really have a lot of choices...to...choose from.
- Was it 4, 7, or 10%?
- No, it was 10, 2, and 4. Wait, no. That's Dr. Pepper.
- Who's that guy? Hitler?
David: Are you eating bacon over there?
Me: No. I'm only chewing gum.
David: I smell bacon.
- How are you?
- Livin' the dream.
- There's an AGI grocery store at the end of the street.
- AGI? Adjusted Gross Income?
- This is the dynamic duo of late AND wrong.
David: I guess you have to work 55 hours now too?
Me: I hate you.
David: When you get worked up, you type with attitude. I can hear it.
- At least you don't smell like chicken.
- If it's Jewish, it's probably deductible.
- This is not sausage! They should write "hot dog" on the box!!
- You hate me, don't you?
David: There is a baked good in the break room that is fabulous.
Me: What is it?
David: Not sure. It's like an upside down cake with chocolate and deliciousness swirled in.
- Anyone who is anyone knows what DOD stands for!
- If you have any questions, you can call...if you...have any questions.
- I was trying to offer you help and all I got was sass!
- No ma'am. I don't have your cat. I have your tax return.
